It’s like trying to run a three-legged race, but instead of crossing a finish line, you’re just going in circles. Enabling behaviors might seem harmless, even admirable, but they can wreak havoc on relationships faster than a bull in a china shop. The impact of this personality type can be far-reaching, affecting not only the enabler but also those around them.
Causes of Enabler Behavior
They say they haven’t been drinking, but you find a receipt in the bathroom trash for a liquor store one night. The next night you find a receipt for a bar in your neighborhood. Instead of asking them about the receipts, you decide not to press the issue. It could be difficult to argue or distance yourself from them, but this can help them face their challenges, which in turn would make it more likely that they seek help to overcome them.
The following signs can help you recognize when a pattern of enabling behavior may have developed. Enabling actions are often intended to help and support a loved one. Taking on someone else’s responsibilities is another form of enabling behavior.
The Root of the Matter: Why Do We Become Enablers?
You remember when they drank very little, so you tell yourself they don’t have a problem. But after thinking about it, you may begin to worry about their reaction. You might decide it’s better just to ignore the behavior or hide your money. You might call your partner’s work to say they’re sick when they’re hungover or blackout drunk.
Signs of Enabling Behavior
Establishing boundaries can help prevent you from enabling your loved one’s problematic behaviors. They may work with you in exploring why you’ve engaged in enabling behaviors and what coping skills you can develop to stop those. They can also help you learn ways to empower, rather than enable, your loved one.
How to Spot and Stop Enabling Behavior
Consequently, at some point, they feel underappreciated which results in feelings of resentment. This process is a never-ending cycle because, at the same time, it becomes difficult to stop enabling behavior. So, dear enablers, it’s time to put down that cape, step off the rescue boat, and start taking care of yourselves. Your journey to self-discovery and healthier relationships starts now. As you learn to balance helping others with taking care of yourself, you might just find that you’re more effective at making a positive difference in the world – and happier doing it.
- As Dr. Candis Best notes, if you want people to lead themselves well, which is super important for personal growth and being involved in decisions (Best et al., 2012), you need to foster holistic leadership.
- But according to the American Psychological Association, it can refer to patterns within close relationships that support any harmful or problematic behavior and make it easier for that behavior to continue.
- On the flip side, those with insecure attachment might fall back on enabling behaviors as a way to keep relationships afloat, even if it leads to, well, not-so-great results.
- They might think, “It’s my job to protect him because we’re family,” but in reality, they’re shielding him from the consequences he needs to face to grow.
Let a mental health professional help you find out the root cause and help you find the right strategies to stop being an enabler personality. When an enabler supports or encourages someone to be involved in harmful actions, they get so focused on their needs that they tend to ignore their personal needs. For example, in a codependent relationship, one partner actively contributes to the relationship knowing that the other person won’t be able to do much.
They unhealthily support wrong behavior or actions by justifying or acknowledging them through their excuses. As we wrap up this journey into the world enabler psychology of enabler personalities, let’s recap what we’ve learned. We’ve explored the characteristics of enablers, delved into the root causes, examined the impact on relationships, and discussed strategies for change. If you’re struggling to recognize these patterns in yourself, don’t hesitate to seek professional help. A therapist can provide an objective perspective and help you navigate these complex emotions and behaviors.
The Enabler Effect: Understanding and Breaking the Cycle
- First up, we’ve got codependency – the evil twin of enabling.
- Delving into the psychology behind enabling necessitates a thorough look at the complicated nature of behavior and what drives it.
- A therapist can provide an objective perspective and help you navigate these complex emotions and behaviors.
- If you grew up in a household where your worth was measured by how much you did for others, or where you had to take care of a parent or sibling, you might have learned that enabling behavior equals love.
When you engage in enabling behaviors, you may find that the bulk of your time and energy is focused on the other person. This may make you feel like your own needs have fallen to the wayside. Do you identify yourself as an enabler personality… well if yes, now, you might be clear why you adopted an enabler personality.
This means the relationship is complicated and needs a closer look (Allan et al., 2017). Delving into the psychology behind enabling necessitates a thorough look at the complicated nature of behavior and what drives it. Quite often, enabling appears as a reaction to unmet psychological needs. People might unknowingly nurture dependence in others in order to fill their own emotional voids. To illustrate, the dynamics between enablers and those they aid can be examined using theories about learned behavior and reinforcement. Such an analysis suggests that enabling actions can perpetuate cycles of dysfunction, offering immediate comfort without tackling the fundamental problems.
Trauma and past relationships can also contribute to this personality type. Maybe you were in a relationship with someone who took advantage of your kindness, and now you’re stuck in a pattern of over-giving to prove your worth. Let’s dive into the world of enabler personalities and explore how this well-intentioned trait can sometimes do more harm than good. Buckle up, folks – this might be a bumpy ride, but I promise it’ll be worth it.
It’s like being a superhero, minus the cape and the ability to fly (though I’m sure many enablers wish they could be in multiple places at once). No one is saying you should never give a friend a ride to the store when their car breaks down. Or that it’s necessarily problematic to help an adult child pay an overdue bill here or there. Setting boundaries is important in showing someone what you will and will not tolerate, holding them accountable, and avoiding the encouragement of destructive behaviors. Being an enabler can take a toll on a person’s mental health, physical health, and overall well-being.